Texas Chainsaw Massacre (series)

Its that time again, time to review not just one, but an entire series of horror movies. And any fan of horror has heard of the infamous Texas Chainsaw Massacre. The first film was directed by Tobe Hooper and released in 1974, and later spawned 3 sequels, a remake, a prequel as well as a video game and comic books. The first film is loosely based on the real life serial killer Ed Gein (read about him here.).

The first one tells the story of four teenagers on a road trip who break down on a Texas back road. On their search for help they meet alot of strange characters and later find a house inhabited by a family of demented cannibals, one of them being horror icon Leatherface (played by Gunnar Hansen). They are now on a fight for survival that no one could ever imagine. Despite the name, this first instalment is not the gore fest you'd expect, yet its dark atmosphere, unsettling musical score and high suspense make it the perfect horror movie. This film made it onto the video nasties list and remained banned in the UK until 2000. In 1982 a video game was made for the Atari (see Angry Video Game Nerd tear it apart here.).

1986 saw a long awaited sequel, simply called Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2, which despite picking up where the last film left off, this one had a more over the top black comedy style about it, and also was very gore heavy. This one introduced Chop Top (played by Bill Moseley) who is just simply awesome, a very demented but strangely very likable character. This movie was a flop at the box office but has developed a cult following among horror fan and i highly recommend checking this out, because its the last one to be directed by Tobe Hooper and the last of the good Texas Chainsaw Massacre films of that generation.

The 90's saw two god awful abominations that bared the tag of Texas Chainsaw Massacre. In 1990 we saw the release of Leatherface:Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3, which stared Viggo Mortensen (of Lord of the Rings fame) and was going to be the first in a line of sequels by New Line Cinema, but due to its lack of success New Line stoped any involvement in the franchise. All in all its not the worst, its still watchable but doesn't give us anything new, nothing about leatherfaces past, no twists, no silly black humour, just a generic sequel really, yet still worth the watch if your stuck.

Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation from 1994 on the other hand, those who are easily offended, stop reading now because i'm about to tear this one apart in ways only a foul mouth can. This movie is a piece of shit covered in more shit and dipped in puke and sprinkled with dried horses semen. Yes, you heard me, avoid this like the plague. I would not force my worst enemy to watch this. it is so bad. It is pretty much a bad remake as alot of scenes are similar but its just boring the whole way trough. The film doesn't feature one chainsaw murder at all, so why 'chainsaw' is in the title is beyond me, and they made Leatherface into a cross dresser, like WHY??????? Just do what i do and pretend this movie didn't happen.

A remake of the original was then made in 2003, three years after the original was released uncut on DVD in the UK. Generally i have a great dislike for remakes but this was one of of only 2 i like. It was pretty much the same as the original but some things were changed, like at the beginning it showed stock video footage of a police officer exploring the Leatherface house and the film also dwelt in the origin of Leatherface. Its also alot darker and has the same, if not better suspense and terrifying scenes.

This remake was such a success that the same people later released not a remake of the sequel but a prequel. Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning was released in 2006 and i just loved it. They painted Leatherfaces past and how his family became poor and became demented cannibals perfectly, it is just an under rated masterpiece. It pretty much ties up all the loose ends and i highly recommend it. So to finish it off, the first two Texas Chainsaw Massacre are horror classics, the 90's saw two bad sequels and the 21st century gave it the reboot that it needed. While doing research for this review i saw that Tobe Hooper is planning a Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3D, which i can't wait for, but until then, i'll leave you with my rating's.

Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974) 10/10
Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 9/10
Leatherface: Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3 3/10
Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation (didn't happen)
Texas Chainsaw Massacre Remake 8/10
Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning 9/10

Snuff

Time for another return to the infamous video nasties, and this time one that should have been forgotten. Snuff, the infamous 1976 slasher flick directed by Michael and Roberta Findlay. This is probably gonna be my shortest review ever because there is really not alot you can say about this movie. It was filmed in Argentina and follows a Manson family type group of hippys going on a killing spree.

The killing scenes are very fake looking, the blood is obviously strawberry paste and the film in general is just extremely boring. How did this piece of shit get its place in history? Get this, the directors knew they made a shitty movie so they put a scene in at the end where it shows behind the scenes and the director proceeds to kill one of the actresses very brutally (faked of course), they decided to call the movie Snuff, market it as an actual snuff movie, got people to protest outside cinemas and low and behold, the piece of shit gets all the coverage it needs.

But what surprises me is, how did people believe it was real? Its clearly strawberry syrup. How stupid you must be to buy it? i dunno, i wasn't around back then but.....would the bad acting of the people being killed not be a dead giveaway? i dunno. I rate this movie...

-10/10 (yea, that's right, i can use negative numbers in my reviews)

Now go watch your dog take a shit in the garden, because believe me, its way more entertaining than this movie.

Twilight

Twilight is the 2008 vampire movie based on the saga of novels by Stephenie Meyer. I haven't read the books so keep this in mind throughout this review. I decided to check out the films due to the very mixed reviews from the general public that i've observed. As well as having a huge fan base there is also a massive 'anti-fan' base (childish and stupid i know, but what can you do), And of course i just adore vampire movies.

My own opinion on this movie is fairly neutral. I would be somewhere between the group of people who love it so much and the rest who hate it with a passion. It had some aspects that i likes and other aspects that i hated. As i said i haven't read the books but i do assume they would be better, as i'm sure some of you would know, Hollywood is notorious for either completely messing up or just doing okay when making adaptions of novels, comic books, etc. (some similarities to this and Lord Of The Rings, the ones who read the books and saw the movies loved them, the ones who saw the movies but didn't read the books either enjoyed it, hated it or just didn't get it, just an observation)

I'll start with the things i liked. First of all, it does have a fairly interesting story (which could have been told better) and the visuals are pretty impressive (such as the forest, atmosphere, action and fighting scenes). The characters are pretty good, but the acting on some could have been alot better (the main characters of Bella Swan and Edward Cullen i did not find convincing at all, which is pretty bad for main characters, most of the scenes with them felt like i was watching a bad soap opera) i really liked the characters of Dr. Carlisle Cullen (played by Peter Facinelli) who is the towns physician and father figure of the Cullen family (who are vampires in case you don't know). The Nomadic Vampires were just deadly in my opinion and once they go on the hunt for Bella is when the film gets interesting (they also make appearances early on).

The things i disliked about the film now, and i may have said this earlier, but for the most part its like a feature length American teen soap opera like One Tree Hill or something similar, only with vampires put in to make it more watchable or something. And the fact that the vampires sparkle like diamonds in the sunlight i thought was just laughable (like, come on). To be fair though, maybe it was just another take on Vampire fiction, but it just didn't do it for me.

All around, it had an interesting story and interesting characters, but it could have been directed and acted a bit better, maybe the books are better as i said already. Some scenes are pretty funny (like the baseball scene) but all around its just somewhat decent. Not a masterpiece but also not the worst movie in the world.

5/10

The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari

Now to take a step back in time, much further than usual to be precise. To the era of silent cinema. Silent movies are often ignored by my generation, whats the point sure? We have movies with talking and in colour as well. let the past be the past. Not really, to understand the present you must appreciate the past. And as a die hard horror fan, there is two silent movies that are an important part of the history of horror. These were The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari from 1920 and Nosferatu from 1922.

The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari is a German expressionist film. The plot i find a bit difficult to explain as with most silent films so do bear with me. Its set in the German mountain village of Holstenwal and tells the story of a deranged Dr. Caligari and his sleepwalking sidekick named Cesare (who he keeps in a cabinet) who are connected to a series of murders in the town. Its told in flashback form. That's just putting it very bluntly.

Visually, this film looks like something out of a dream, really far out and trippy for its time. Really tall doors and windows that are bent in really weird ways and accompanied by a very haunting soundtrack. Silent movies relied heavily on the music to keep you drawn into the story and this is a very good example.

Gonna cut this review short as i know very little about silent movies to give any real insight into this but i will say, if your a fan of horror, its worth checking out as its one of the first horror movies and very good for its time.

8/10

The Last House on the Left (1972)

To avoid fainting, keep repeating, its only a movie. This is the best description to Wes Cravens 1972 debut, The Last House On The Left. Now available on DVD in its fully uncut glory. What can i say about this movie that hasn't been said already? For a film that caused such uproar upon it release, it was also a film that set the groundwork for future slasher flicks.

As you may have seen in my Cannibal Holocaust review, i spoke of an era known as the video nasties, which took place in the UK in the early 80's. This film made that list as it was refused cinema release in the UK in the 70's, but then the home video boom of the 1980's made it possible to be released in the UK, among others. This lead to the founding of the Obscene Publications Act. The film remained banned for the remainder of the 80's and 90's and only got an uncut release in 2008, and the following year a remake was made.

Mari Collingwood is off to celebrate her 17th birthday with her friend Phyllis Stone by attending a rock concert in the big city. Mari's parents show some concern at the band shes going to see and her friendship with Phyllis, but still allow her to go. Meanwhile, four violent criminals have escaped from prison. While in the city, Mari and Phyllis try to score drugs and happen to meet the criminals and ask them. The criminals then kidnap the two girls and head out to the country, where they run out of gas, ironically, near Mari's house. The horror begins when the criminals proceed to beat, rape, humiliate and eventually, and very violently kill the two young girls. After they clean up, they look for refuge in none other than Mari's parents house, and eventually the parents find out what they did and they enact a very brutal revenge.

The monsters in this movie are not Vampires, Werewolves or Zombies, but the monster within some people, in this case the criminals, and the monster that can be created when these monsters hurt a loved one, in this case the parents. This was the first time anyone dared to tackle this issue (To my knowledge) in a horror movie. The very low budget and grainy production values add to the already dark plot of the film (Some comic relief is provided in the vein of the police officers, who are very funny).

As nasty as The Last House on the Left was, it really spoke of the period of American history in which it was made. The late 60's and early 70's saw alot of darkness in the vein of The death of the flower generation, the vietnam war and the tragedy at Jackson and Kent state. It came out at a time when America was waking up to the real life horror that was in everyone's back yard. That is what makes a good horror movie, when you dwell in the fear of a society. And this movie is a very good example. highly recommended.

9/10

P.S. Look out for a review of the remake in the future.

Avatar

Avatar, the must see film of 2009? Yes, it does add to the hype if not more. Visually its just specular and the storyline is nothing short of gripping, and its even more amazing in 3D. The story is set in the year 2154 and the human race have stripped earth of all its natural resources and is on a mining operation on the moon of planet Polyphemus called Pandora, which is occupied by Na'vi, blue skinned humanoids with feline characteristics and bear resemblance to the native Indians. (in fact, Was Studi of Dances with Wolves and The last Of the Mohican's fame plays the leader of the tribe). In an attempt to communicate with the Na'vi, scientists grow Na'vi bodies modified with human DNA called Avatars.

Jake Sully (played by Sam Worthington) is a paraplegic former marine who must replace his murdered twin brother in the Avatar program, headed by Dr. Grace Augustine (played by Sigourney Weaver). Once he gets control of the Avatar he starts to get a bit cocky, which you can't blame him for as he now has the ability to walk again. However, it does cause him to get lost on his first mission. He then get rescued by Neytiri (played by Zoe Saldana) who brings him back to the village, here he starts to learn about Na'vi culture and soon become accepted by them. However, when hes not in Avatar form he is forced to make deals with Colonel Miles Quaritch (Stephen Lang) and this does start to cause problems.

Storyline is very complex so i don't want to give too much away. I do have alot to say about it. Is it original? No. But really, what is original theses days (as myself and my friend were saying, he did a video review, check it here -

It does borrow themes from other movies like Dances With Wolves (the theme of learning new cultures and personal journey's), Fern Gully: The Last Rainforest (the theme of environmental issues), Pocahontas (love theme) and the visuals are very Final Fantasy inspired. This is not a bad thing at all, James Cameron did an amazing job of of mixing these themes together.

Another theme that i've seen alot of in recent Science Fiction films (District 9 for example) is the concept of the aliens being portrayed as the victims rather than the invaders or 'baddies' to put it bluntly. In this the humans (especially the Military) are portrayed as heartless and greedy, the best example being Colonel Miles Quaritch. I really like this theme as it portrays humans more realistically. However, there is a message in there that there is still good out there.

To finish off, The characters are likeable (well, some), the story is very inspiring and the Jungle and its Flora and Fauna is amazing. Avatar is not just watchable, but also very re watchable and once the credits roll you are left with an amazing feeling that i can't even describe. Go see it.

10/10

The Exorcism of Emily Rose

For my next review i'm going to talk about the often overlook (well now) demonic horror movie of 2005 called The Exorcism of Emily Rose. When i say overlooked i mean when i'm in decisions weather it be online or with real people about horror movies, The Exorcist is always discussed when it comes to the theme of demonic possession. And sure, the Exorcist is a classic but i wouldn't list it as one of my favourites. Why? Well, i thought is was over hyped. People saying it was the scariest movie in the world, i disagreed. Had more black comedy than horror. but anyway, i'll talk about it in another review and get on with this one.

The Exorcism of Emily Rose is based on true events (loosely based on the story of Anneliese Michel). Father Richard Moore (played by Tom Wilkinson) is on trial for the murder of Emily Rose (played by Jennifer Carpenter) who was a devout catholic girl who was possessed by demons. The movie is done court room drama style, kinda like a very long episode of Law and Order. But don't let it put you off. Trough the witnesses testimonies we watch flashbacks of the possession and exorcism, which are very terrifying. And scary scenes and suspense are not just in the flashbacks, as Erin Bruner, Father Moores lawyer (played by Laure Linney) is also staked by the very demons who possessed Emily.

I'll conclude with, first why the review is so short. Well, the film does go into some very interesting topics which i find a little hard to explain, so your going to have to watch it, plus i find that i put a few spoilers in my reviews so i won't go into the plot of this one too much. It is very suspense filled, very scary, very good plot twists and character development and more importantly no black humour which makes it easier to take seriously (don't get me wrong, i do love black humour) So if your looking for an alternative to The Exorcist, i highly recommend this one.

8/10