Paranormal Entity

Alright, back to horror now. This time i'm gonna do a short review of a movie from 'The Asylum'. For those of you who don't know who they are, they are a studio who make direct to DVD b-movies for chains like Blockbuster (Here in Ireland we would find these movies in the bargain bin of some video stores). They usually are complete rip offs of major releases that would be in the cinema at the time, for example, Snakes on a Train, Transmorphers, Pirates of Treasure Island, and so on and so on. Point is, there lame rip offs and don't really do a good job of hiding what movie they're ripping off, hense why they're called 'mockbusters' by people in the industry. There is the odd one that would have the same idea as its High grossing, a list counterpart, but have some degree of originality, and heres an example.

Paranormal Entity (in case you haven't copped it, its another take of Paranormal Activity, review of that is down below) tells the story of a family who have lost their father/husband in a tragic accident. The mother tries to communicate with him, and claims to get a response from him from beyond the grave, but after a series of strange occurrences in the house they start to think otherwise. The son, who's name is Thomas, starts to put camera around the house to document the occurrence's. Thats the basic plot, near enough the same scenario as Paranormal Activity, shot the same way, but does add a few new twists so if your looking for an alternative to Paranormal Activity, then this i would recommend, watch alone in your room in pitch blackness to get its full effect, its just as scary, if not more. In this one its the sister (Sam) and mother (Cindy) who are getting attacked by the demon, so its double the shocks.

7/10

Batman: Mask of the Phantasm

Batman: Mask of the Phantasm is the feature length animation from 1993, and in my opinion a very underrated nostalgic classic. The Batman Animated series was very popular at the time yet back then i never heard anyone speak of this movie, so back then i just assumed it wasn't great. Checked it out yesterday and i have to say i was most impressed.

The plot revolves around an old love interest of Bruce Wayne (voiced by Kevin Conroy) by the name of Andrea Beaumont (voiced by Dana Delany) who unexpectedly arrives back in Gotham City. Meanwhile an unknown masked assassin (you can guess its The Phantasm judging by the title) is picking off Gothams gangsters one by one. Due to it having a cape, city councilman Aurthur Reeves (voiced by Hart Bochner) has wrongfully accused The Caped Crusader of the murders and has therefore called a for a manhunt. Its up to Bruce Wayne (Batman) to get to the bottom of this and clear his name.

The plot is full of flashbacks and twists which is what makes it such a good story, so i will stop here. I will say that The Joker (Voiced by the incredible Mark Hamill) makes an appearance later on in the movie. The story is very well written, the animation is in that distinctive batman style, really dark. The voice acting is flawless and i am just speechless that this movie hasn't got the attention it deserves. It no Dark Knight but if your like me (ie, seen Dark Knight way too much) this makes for a perfect alternative. Highly recommended.

8/10

Star Trek (2009)

Star Trek, the biggest cult television and movie series of all time, spawned an original TV series, 11 movies and 4 other TV shows set in the same universe but depicting different characters on a different adventure. 2009 saw a movie reboot with the character of the original series but played by different actors. Myself personally, i'm not the biggest 'Trekie' in the world, but i did enjoy the show. So i had my doubts about this reboot, didn't think new young actors would do the series any justice. I was proven wrong.

It was just amazing, so amazing that i find it very hard to describe. Its basically a prequel, telling the story of how the crew of the USS Enterprise all met, before James T Kirk (played by Chris Pine) became captain. All the classic characters are there including Spock (played by Zachary Quinto), Scotty (Played by Simon Pegg) and Uhura (played by Zoe Saldana). All of them gave top notch performances and did the classic characters alot of justice.

The only complaint i have is the character of Dr. Leonerd McCoy (played by Karl Urban), he kept it true to the original character but at times it felt kinda forced and over acted. Then again i haven't seen the original series in years so my memory may be a little rusty. Won't go into too much detail about the plot but i will say the villain in this one is a Romulan named Captain Nero (played by Eirc Bana) who is a time traveler, which sets the film in an alternative reality, which is very hard to explain but still makes sense when you watch it, in a way (after all, it is Star Trek), the only spoiler i will give you is that Leonard Nimoy makes an appearance as Spock from the future. So weather you a fan of Star Trek or not, this is worth checking out. Its action packed from start to finish as well as having an amazing plot and visuals.

9/10

Super Mario Bros

Ok, now to go away from horror for a bit and take a trip back to the past. To the very first major motion picture to be based off a video game. You don't have to be a hardcore gamer to know who the Super Mario Bros are. Mario was everywhere for most of the 80's and 90's and in fact is still a pop culture icon to this day. But lets go back to 1993, i was six years old and i remember my older brother getting a Nintendo Entertainment System for one of his birthday's (not sure which one), and Mario was one of the games he got. I spent almost every waking hour playing that game, i just loved it. Then i see a trailer for a Super Mario Bros movie, and i so excited. By then we had also got the second and third one and i was also spending every waking hour playing it, but enough about my past and on to the movie review.

As a kid i remember watching it when it came out on video because i couldn't see it in the cinema due to it being certified 12 (i think), that's just to the best of my memory. But i remember watching it once, not really getting it and then never seeing it again until just recently. Sense its release it was a flop at the box office and got alot of negative reviews from critics, but has maintained a cult following. Why was it a flop and why did i not really get it as a kid? Well, the directors took a major risk by making it nothing like the games at all (bar a couple of reference's here and there), is it a bad thing? Well, not really if you just look outside the box.

Mario (Played by Bob Hoskins) and Luigi (Played by John Leguizamo) are Italian plumbers (one thing they got right) living in Brooklyn, New York. They meet this orphaned girl named Daisy who is digging for Dinosauer bones. When they go to check it out they find a portal to another dimension which is not the mushroom kingdom from the games, but a dystopian society (kinda like Blade Runner or Judge Dredd) run by Bowser, or King Koopa (played by Dennis Hopper). Another departure from the video game is rather than make Bowser just a lizard he is a humanoid descendant of the Tyrannosaurus Rex. Another character that is depicted differently from the games is Toad (you know, that annoying ass wipe who you always conveniently meet at the end of each castle to tell you our princess is in another castle). Instead of being a mushroom headed kid, in the movie he is a friendly street musician with a Texas accent who meets Mario and Luigi on the street.

Not to give too much of the plot away, i will give this movie the fair review it deserves. The costumes first of all are great, especially when Mario and Luigi put on their trademark red and green suits, complete with hats and these really silly but strangely awesome jumper boots. The Goomba's look nothing like they do in the game and are a bit silly, but their suits are great, kinda like a military uniform and punk rock hybrid. In fact, despite the movie being a flop, it was nominated for a Saturn award in 1994 for best costume and best make up.

Alot of critics slated it for being too dark and not child friendly, which i do agree, making a movie based on a Nintendo game, children are going to be you target audience. Critics also said there is no reference's to the games at all, which i full on disagree with. They are there, you just have to find them. Examples include the giant fungus helping Mario and Luigi throughout their journey, well thats a reference to the mushroom power ups in the game. You can also hear sounds from the game in some scenes. And the characters from the game are all there, including Yoshi, who's a very Jurassic Park esque baby T-Rex (Jurassic Park being released 3 years previous). Other game references include the Bob-omb and the names of several characters and villains on street signs.

So yea, not to drag on any more i will conclude by saying, this movie is a guilty pleasure of mine and its worth checking out or revisiting either for some cheesy fun or just for nostalgia value. As it is the first major motion picture to be based off a video game, its worth checking out, because its not the worst. There has been worse video game to movie adaptations (Uwe Boll anyone?), and hey, they just started to get comic book movie adaptations right, maybe they will get video games right in time. But until then, ignore what the critics are saying and check out this movie, because despite it being very little to do with the game, its actually a pretty good science fiction fantasy adventure movie.

7/10

Texas Chainsaw Massacre (series)

Its that time again, time to review not just one, but an entire series of horror movies. And any fan of horror has heard of the infamous Texas Chainsaw Massacre. The first film was directed by Tobe Hooper and released in 1974, and later spawned 3 sequels, a remake, a prequel as well as a video game and comic books. The first film is loosely based on the real life serial killer Ed Gein (read about him here.).

The first one tells the story of four teenagers on a road trip who break down on a Texas back road. On their search for help they meet alot of strange characters and later find a house inhabited by a family of demented cannibals, one of them being horror icon Leatherface (played by Gunnar Hansen). They are now on a fight for survival that no one could ever imagine. Despite the name, this first instalment is not the gore fest you'd expect, yet its dark atmosphere, unsettling musical score and high suspense make it the perfect horror movie. This film made it onto the video nasties list and remained banned in the UK until 2000. In 1982 a video game was made for the Atari (see Angry Video Game Nerd tear it apart here.).

1986 saw a long awaited sequel, simply called Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2, which despite picking up where the last film left off, this one had a more over the top black comedy style about it, and also was very gore heavy. This one introduced Chop Top (played by Bill Moseley) who is just simply awesome, a very demented but strangely very likable character. This movie was a flop at the box office but has developed a cult following among horror fan and i highly recommend checking this out, because its the last one to be directed by Tobe Hooper and the last of the good Texas Chainsaw Massacre films of that generation.

The 90's saw two god awful abominations that bared the tag of Texas Chainsaw Massacre. In 1990 we saw the release of Leatherface:Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3, which stared Viggo Mortensen (of Lord of the Rings fame) and was going to be the first in a line of sequels by New Line Cinema, but due to its lack of success New Line stoped any involvement in the franchise. All in all its not the worst, its still watchable but doesn't give us anything new, nothing about leatherfaces past, no twists, no silly black humour, just a generic sequel really, yet still worth the watch if your stuck.

Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation from 1994 on the other hand, those who are easily offended, stop reading now because i'm about to tear this one apart in ways only a foul mouth can. This movie is a piece of shit covered in more shit and dipped in puke and sprinkled with dried horses semen. Yes, you heard me, avoid this like the plague. I would not force my worst enemy to watch this. it is so bad. It is pretty much a bad remake as alot of scenes are similar but its just boring the whole way trough. The film doesn't feature one chainsaw murder at all, so why 'chainsaw' is in the title is beyond me, and they made Leatherface into a cross dresser, like WHY??????? Just do what i do and pretend this movie didn't happen.

A remake of the original was then made in 2003, three years after the original was released uncut on DVD in the UK. Generally i have a great dislike for remakes but this was one of of only 2 i like. It was pretty much the same as the original but some things were changed, like at the beginning it showed stock video footage of a police officer exploring the Leatherface house and the film also dwelt in the origin of Leatherface. Its also alot darker and has the same, if not better suspense and terrifying scenes.

This remake was such a success that the same people later released not a remake of the sequel but a prequel. Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning was released in 2006 and i just loved it. They painted Leatherfaces past and how his family became poor and became demented cannibals perfectly, it is just an under rated masterpiece. It pretty much ties up all the loose ends and i highly recommend it. So to finish it off, the first two Texas Chainsaw Massacre are horror classics, the 90's saw two bad sequels and the 21st century gave it the reboot that it needed. While doing research for this review i saw that Tobe Hooper is planning a Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3D, which i can't wait for, but until then, i'll leave you with my rating's.

Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974) 10/10
Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 9/10
Leatherface: Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3 3/10
Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation (didn't happen)
Texas Chainsaw Massacre Remake 8/10
Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning 9/10

Snuff

Time for another return to the infamous video nasties, and this time one that should have been forgotten. Snuff, the infamous 1976 slasher flick directed by Michael and Roberta Findlay. This is probably gonna be my shortest review ever because there is really not alot you can say about this movie. It was filmed in Argentina and follows a Manson family type group of hippys going on a killing spree.

The killing scenes are very fake looking, the blood is obviously strawberry paste and the film in general is just extremely boring. How did this piece of shit get its place in history? Get this, the directors knew they made a shitty movie so they put a scene in at the end where it shows behind the scenes and the director proceeds to kill one of the actresses very brutally (faked of course), they decided to call the movie Snuff, market it as an actual snuff movie, got people to protest outside cinemas and low and behold, the piece of shit gets all the coverage it needs.

But what surprises me is, how did people believe it was real? Its clearly strawberry syrup. How stupid you must be to buy it? i dunno, i wasn't around back then but.....would the bad acting of the people being killed not be a dead giveaway? i dunno. I rate this movie...

-10/10 (yea, that's right, i can use negative numbers in my reviews)

Now go watch your dog take a shit in the garden, because believe me, its way more entertaining than this movie.

Twilight

Twilight is the 2008 vampire movie based on the saga of novels by Stephenie Meyer. I haven't read the books so keep this in mind throughout this review. I decided to check out the films due to the very mixed reviews from the general public that i've observed. As well as having a huge fan base there is also a massive 'anti-fan' base (childish and stupid i know, but what can you do), And of course i just adore vampire movies.

My own opinion on this movie is fairly neutral. I would be somewhere between the group of people who love it so much and the rest who hate it with a passion. It had some aspects that i likes and other aspects that i hated. As i said i haven't read the books but i do assume they would be better, as i'm sure some of you would know, Hollywood is notorious for either completely messing up or just doing okay when making adaptions of novels, comic books, etc. (some similarities to this and Lord Of The Rings, the ones who read the books and saw the movies loved them, the ones who saw the movies but didn't read the books either enjoyed it, hated it or just didn't get it, just an observation)

I'll start with the things i liked. First of all, it does have a fairly interesting story (which could have been told better) and the visuals are pretty impressive (such as the forest, atmosphere, action and fighting scenes). The characters are pretty good, but the acting on some could have been alot better (the main characters of Bella Swan and Edward Cullen i did not find convincing at all, which is pretty bad for main characters, most of the scenes with them felt like i was watching a bad soap opera) i really liked the characters of Dr. Carlisle Cullen (played by Peter Facinelli) who is the towns physician and father figure of the Cullen family (who are vampires in case you don't know). The Nomadic Vampires were just deadly in my opinion and once they go on the hunt for Bella is when the film gets interesting (they also make appearances early on).

The things i disliked about the film now, and i may have said this earlier, but for the most part its like a feature length American teen soap opera like One Tree Hill or something similar, only with vampires put in to make it more watchable or something. And the fact that the vampires sparkle like diamonds in the sunlight i thought was just laughable (like, come on). To be fair though, maybe it was just another take on Vampire fiction, but it just didn't do it for me.

All around, it had an interesting story and interesting characters, but it could have been directed and acted a bit better, maybe the books are better as i said already. Some scenes are pretty funny (like the baseball scene) but all around its just somewhat decent. Not a masterpiece but also not the worst movie in the world.

5/10